4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
