soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
