I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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