At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize