IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
