Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
