Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
