I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
