tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
