is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
