Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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