I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
