let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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