hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
