he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
