My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize