You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
