a search helicopter?!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
