he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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