we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
