now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
