i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
