There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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