The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
