Michael Bay diarrhea
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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