a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
