you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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