i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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