Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
