just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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