so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
