I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
