he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
