He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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