Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
