Sry I called you an 8
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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