Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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