sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
