So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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