he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize