Your tits are I can't wait for
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
