Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize