I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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