He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
