Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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