I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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