just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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