She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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