just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
