Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
