3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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