Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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