new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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