I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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