I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
