He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The uberlube is also flammable
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
