I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
