Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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