How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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