Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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