I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
