Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
