the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
