sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
