They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
