I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize