I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
