We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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