I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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