he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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