So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
