I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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