Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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