sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
