My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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